I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
