one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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