Me. At least after what I've been through.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
splinters make it hard to masturbate
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
