Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You ate ashes out of my bong
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
