I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
