Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
