i would punch a child for taco bell
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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