Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
