I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
