Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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