My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
