Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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