Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
