Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
