so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
