Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
