i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Randomize
