we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
