Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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