It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
