you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
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the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
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I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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