she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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