Don't make out with my wife yet
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
where are my eyebrows?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
