Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
