I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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