He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
