guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
