WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
