Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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