matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
