I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
