Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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