its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
