just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
