Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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