we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
