I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
