I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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