4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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