So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
