Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
