Just mADE A PArabola og urine
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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