i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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