so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
