how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
