i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
