I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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