Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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