Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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