I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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