I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
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while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
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Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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