Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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