Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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