great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
