no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
