sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
apparently the secret to your success is patron
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
