the new term for farting is butt boxing.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
