We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
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