In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm too high and old for this...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
