No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
