i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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